| woke up on this train feeling
not at all well--could it be result of 36
hours without coffee? why'd i skip it at
breakfast? another detox kick, this time
inspired by, gasp, a sudden feeling of
oldness and lack of accomplishment (whatever
that latter means). after sitting so
gloomily, i go to the complimentary pot and
pour half a cup. a little later, i do it
again, half a cup more. by the third trip,
i've stopped kidding myself, pour a full
one, big as my grin, the year begins, a day
late. |
|
shit, maybe being raised
catholic (even catholic lite) really did
twist me. i've got a funny relationship to
guilt--that is, if it feels good, it must
be bad. i'll do it anyway, but with
tempered enjoyment. i also suffer from a
watered-down protestant work ethic, often
mentally calculating the worldly worth of
whatever it is i'm doing. well, fuck that
shit. i spent most of the train trip
playing with newsprint and transparent
tape. life's best when i go with what my
gut insists.
|
