20/20 hindsight

Picture of the Day
yesterday | today tomorrow

July 23, 2001

reach out and touch

  heading east on I-80 to NYC, the towers hove into view
still 20+ miles away, poked up above rolling new jersey hills
and then dropped out of sight again. in the passenger seat,
i pick up a paintbrush for the first time and this is what i see...


took a shit
this morning.
pushed out some
big ones.
then the drip
drip drip of
blood which
i hadn't heard
in a while
tho i knew
what it was.
i'm told 90%
of men my age
( 31 earth years )
experience them
at one time or
another and i
wonder whether
it's the unspoken
factor of AIDS--
not anal sex
per se but
the rupture of swollen
extruded nerves
that passes the virus
from cum to veins.
piss and blood
together make for
a lovely shade
of orange, tranquil
like a lake, almost
a pity to flush it
away. last night,
i ate beef for the
first time in months.
could this have been
a sign, karmic re-
minder that blood
begets blood, death
death? how many
other signs go un-
heeded, not noticed,
as we eat, fuck,
and twiddle our thumbs
waiting for something
bigger to happen?
i'm here today in
new york city b/c
i felt it was time
to collect my stuff
and push it across
the continent as a
beetle rolls its
precious dung--as
good a reason as any
when reason is
an illusion, collective
delusion reinforced
here by skyscrapers
feigning permanence,
pretending progress,
w/ blood, shit, and spit
invisible inside them,
unread signs
swirling away.

central park
5:25 pm