i'm lucky to have friends. well, it's
partly luck, partly prioritizing. who, as a
child, does not want friends? it seems
fairly basic, and is probably far more
intrinsic to the flourishing of humanity
than family. after all, too much focus on
the family leads to inbreeding.
friendship, at its root, might be seen as an
evolutionary strategy to diversify the gene
pool. our weekly 4Shadows
meeting in a concrete bunker on south lake
union, though free of procreation, is more
than just an off-the-rails improv rock
jam--it's part coffee klatch, book club,
gift exchange, sporting event, and method
acting seminar. we pack a lot of fun and
creativity into the confines of a
lopsided asphalt parking lot lined
with brutally
pruned trees. it's better to have
friends in a slum than be alone in a palace.
look at poor Kim Il Sung, North Korea's
original dear leader, who erected 34,000
monuments to himself. he was so sad and
lonely he ate himself rotund, subliminal
compensation for the millions of peasants he
starved. i read about him in a book matt
lent me--The
Great Leader and the Fighter Pilot.
it's a gripping and quick read, but rings
hollow in the end because it only skates
along the surface of tragedies large and
small. (you
know what stalin said. no wonder it
was heartily endorsed by the wall street
journal, bible of statistical success!) it's
a thumbnail view of Korean history told
through parallel stories of the ruthless
dictator and a talented young man, No Kum
Sok, who fakes Communist party loyalty to
save his own skin, eventually rising up the
ranks to become a "Top Gun" fighter pilot in
a bottom of the barrel airforce, all the
while dreaming of defecting to the USA.
spoiler: he does it! he flies his MiG 15 to
freedom in South Korea, though he knows it
means his best friend will be executed for
"guilt by association." that betrayal is
related in a single sentence in the body of
the book. in the epilogue, it's revealed
that at least 5 people close to No were
executed for his action, for which he allows
no sign of grief because too much time--17
years--had passed for him to be "overwhelmed
by guilt." that's pretty cold. that initial
betrayal should be the meat of the story.
but it's understandable that it's not--the
author befriended No Kum Sok and probably
didn't want to offend by probing or exposing
too much. loyalty is complicated and facts
are simpler than ethics. i don't know about
No, but my grandmother was tormented by
guilt 50 years after she inadvertently
caused the death of someone who died for
helping provide falsified documents in a
failed attempt to sneak her out of
Czechoslovakia shortly after the Stalinist
coup of 1948. it makes me wonder if dementia
isn't a subconscious release for festering
guilt--her secret broke through in moments
of urgent lucidity. and what price does one
pay for hiding the truth from oneself? when
we're not honest with ourselves, it prevents
us from seeing the truth about others. No,
who disapproved of his son's second wife and
refused to attend the wedding, is later
surprised when that son shoots himself four
months later. if the price of survival is
killing something in yourself, what's left? 
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